Alamang Boy Samurai Warriors Version
by cruger2984
Summary: Nagamasa's goat is stolen and who did it? My 2nd fanfic and it is for mature audiences only.
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Samurai Warriors by Koei and Pugad Baboy by Pol Medina Jr.

**WARNING:** This fanfic I created is for mature audiences only (including languages)

--Alamang Boy (Samurai Warriors Version)--

* * *

Cast:

Azai Nagamasa

Isono Kazumasa (Nagamasa's left-hand man)

Toyotomi Hideyoshi

Tokugawa Ieyasu

Honda Tadakatsu

Ishida Mitsunari

Tachibana Ginchiyo

Oda Nobunaga

and many extras...

For Samurai Warriors fans only in the philippines!

* * *

Kazumasa: O, panginoon Nagamasa... Anong problema? 

Nagamasa: Nawawala 'yung kambing na inuwi ko galing Echizen!

Kazumasa: Echizen? Tsk tsk! Problema nga 'yan. Marunong bang mag-Japanese 'yung kambing mo?

Nagamasa: Hindi siguro. Taga-Echizen 'yon e. At kahapon la...

-Nagamasa pouts-

Nagamasa: Niloloko mo yata 'ko e...

Kazumasa: Joke lang. Ikaw naman.

-Hideyoshi's House-

Nagamasa: Panginoon Hideyoshi, hindi mo ba nakita 'yung kambing ko?

Hideyoshi: Alin? 'yung brown na kambing na walang sungay?

Nagamasa: 'Yon!

Hideyoshi: 'yung may dalawang kuntil na puti sa panga? Atsaka may puting spot sa kaliwang pigue?

Nagamasa: 'YON! 'YON NA NGA!!!

Hideyoshi: Hindi ko nakita.

-Odani Castle: Main Entrance-

Gate Soldier: Panginoon Nagamasa, Itigil mo na ang paghahanap sa nagnakaw ng kambing mo... UMAMIN NA ANG MGA ITO!...

Man: PANGINOON NAGAMASA, HINDI HO KAMI ANG MAY SALA!! Tinorture lang kami nitong palanquin n'yo kaya kami umamin!! Hu! Hu! Hu! Hu! Ginapos n'ya po kami at nilagyan ng headphones at... at... pinilit po kaming makinig ng mga plaka ni Jose Mari Chan!!... Hu! Hu! Hu! Hu! Noong pang-anim na ulit ng "Beautiful Girl" ay inamin ko na po ang lahat pati ang pagpatay kay Panginoon Hideie! Hu! Hu! Hu! Hu!

Gate Soldier: Panginoon Nagamasa! May ni-round up ako na second set of suspects sa pagkawala ng kambing mo! Palagay ko e sila na nga ang mga salarin!! Ang theory ko e may Love angle na involved dito!!

Nagamasa: Love angle??

Gate Soldier: Oo. Palagay ko ay naging girlfriend nito 'yung kambing mo!!

Nagamasa: May... lilinawin lang ako, kawal... Ang gusto ko e... maniniwala ako... na... naging girlfriend nito ang kambing ko??

Soldier: Tignan mo ang mukha panginoon, TIGNAN MO!!!

-Nagamasa wields his revolver shotgun-

Nagamasa: Kawal... bibigyan kita ng hanggang tatlo para mag-evaporate... Isa...

Soldier: I'm gone!

Kazumasa: Tsk tsk! Sino nga naman ang maniniwalang naging girlfriend n'ung tao 'yung kambing ni Nagamasa?... e lalaki 'yung kambing ni Nagamasa...

-Ieyasu's retreat house: Outside-

Ieyasu: Panginoon Nagamasa! May eyewitness sa pagnanakaw ng kambing mo!!

Nagamasa: Ha?! Nasa'n??

Ieyasu: Ta-daan!

-Nagamasa sees Ginchiyo with her Thunder's Roar on her waist-

Nagamasa: Um, panginoon Ieyasu... Hindi yata ako naniniwalang eyewitness 'yan.

Ieyasu: Aba'y bakit?

Nagamasa: E bulag 'yan e.

Ginchiyo: Feeling artista lang ako 'no? (dreaming: Wag n'yo ako tawagin bulag, hayup ka!)

-Ieyasu's retreat house: Backyard-

Nagamasa: Sige sabihin mo 'sa akin... Sino ang nagnakaw ng kambing ko?

Ginchiyo: Wala bang press coverage 'to? Ang nagnakaw po ng kambing n'yo ay ang anak na lalaki ni panginoon Nobunaga Oda!

Nagamasa: Oh... my... lord.

Ieyasu: Anak ni...

Nagamasa: Teka, marami 'yung anak na lalaki at babae ni Nobunaga ah...

Ieyasu: Sa ilang asawa lang 'yon... e 'yung sa kabit pa?

---TO BE CONTINUED WITH PART 2---

Keep on reading and don't flame!


	2. Part 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Samurai Warriors by Koei and Pugad Baboy by Pol Medina Jr.

**WARNING**: This fanfic I created is for mature audiences only (including languages)

* * *

--Alamang Boy (Samurai Warriors Version)--

Cast:

Azai Nagamasa

Isono Kazumasa (Nagamasa's left-hand man)

Toyotomi Hideyoshi

Tokugawa Ieyasu

Honda Tadakatsu

Ishida Mitsunari

Tachibana Ginchiyo

Oda Nobunaga

and many extras...

For Samurai Warriors fans only in the philippines!

* * *

-CONTINUE IN PART 1-

-Ieyasu's retreat house: Backyard-

Nagamasa: Kung totoong eyewitness ka e i-describe mo nga s'ya sa akin?

Ginchiyo: Sige ho. Tan ho ang balat n'ya... maingay ang bunganga... matakaw... mabaho... at mahaba na ho ang sungay...

Ieyasu: Este... Ginchiyo, sino ba ang dine-describe mo? 'yung anak ni panginoon Nobunaga o si panginoon Nobunaga mismo?

Ginchiyo: 'Yung... kambing po ang dine-describe ko.

Ieyasu: Aoh! Gano'n ba? Pareho din kasi 'yung description e. He he. Bakit parang malayo yata ang description mo sa nawawalang kambing ni panginoon Nagamasa?

Ginchiyo: Ho?? Malayo po ba? E, pasensya na ho kayo! Noong araw po kasi na 'yon e "High" kami dahil tumira po kami ng kape sa parking lot ng commercial center...

Nagamasa: Ilang taon ka na ba?

Ginchiyo: Twenty-five po.

Nagamasa: Sa edad mong 'yan e umiinom ka na ng kape?

Ginchiyo: E...

Nagamasa: **ANO'NG KLASENG MGA MAGULANG MERON KA??!**

Ieyasu: Easy.

Ginchiyo: Ang totoo po e hindi lang kape ang tinira namin noong araw na 'yon. Tumira din po kami nito.

Nagamasa: -hitit ng hangin!- Is that what I think it is??

Ieyasu: 'Yan nga! 'Yan 'yung malakas **MAGPAHILO!!**

Ginchiyo: Tama kayo... Vetsin po ito. Naging addict po kami sa mga pagkaing punung-puno ng vetsin kagaya ng luto sa mga Chinese restaurants... Hu! Hu! Hu! Pero nagpa-rehab na po ako. -hikbi-

Ieyasu: Nakaka-shock ang kabataan ngayon...

-Edo Castle: Main Lobby-

We saw a bunch of Tokugawa soldiers and generals including Tadakatsu himself as they watch a giant-screen television. Kaya naman, nakita nila ang sumabog sa media ang goat rustling issue sa buong modern-feudal Japan.

Okuni as the TV reporter: According to the witness' affidavit, their group met at Edo Commercial Center's parking lot to buy vetsin from a common source. The vetsin was later used for their jamming session. The witness also stated that aside from being addicted to coffee and Chinese food laden with vetsin, the group also gets a kick out of stealing green mangoes from the neighbors' trees and eating them with **BAGOONG ****ALAMANG** laced with tablespoons of vetsin for the desired "light-headed" high. And for this, the group came to be called the "Alamang Boys."

Tokugawa soldiers and generals including Tadakatsu: **SUPER GASP!!!!**

At ngayon, **NAG-REACT SI PANGINOON NOBUNAGA!**

Nobunaga: **THAT GINCHIYO TACHIBANA IS A LIAR!** How can she say that my son stole a goat when my son doesn't eat goat meat! In fact, my son even has a medical certificate issued by the Oda Medical Center and signed by Dr. Oda stating that my son is allergic to goat meat!!! Patunayan n'yo lang na kumakain ng kambing ang anak ko at magim-impeach ako sa kamara ng Japan!!!

-Applause!-

Nobunaga (dreaming): Aaaa... Parang totoo 'no?

-Edo Castle: Main Lobby-

Okuni as the TV reporter: While high on vetsin, the witness, with the Alamang Boys went to the vacant lot on Inabayama Castle where lord Nagamasa Azai's goat was tethered. Ginchiyo Tachibana said the actual abduction was also witnessed by a sharpshooter who was relieving himself at a neignbor's water bucket at that time. She concluded that he was a sharpshooter because his urine was on target. The sharpshooter denied that he saw lord Nobunaga's son steal the goat... uh... sir? Sir, magkano ba ang ibinayad sa inyo ni panginoon Nobunaga para i-deny na...

Man: Gago! Hindi ako nagpapabayad!!! Atsaka hindi ako pwedeng dyumminggel do'n dahil may karatulang nakalagay sa tabi ng timba na nagsasabing: "BAWAL UMIHI DITO, GAGO!"

Man 2: Gago ka rin.

Tokugawa soldiers and generals including Tadakatsu: **AAHHHH!!!!**

Lumabas ang mga dumepensa sa anak ni panginoon Nobunaga.

Mitsunari: I believe lord Nobunaga's son is innocent because on the night in question, he was at a U2 concert at the Tokyo Dome. He even kept the ticket and sales receipt to prove it.

Reporter: I see that lord Nobunaga's son is a Bono fan. Kayo sir? Idol n'yo rin ba si Bono ng U2?

Mitsunari: Well, actually ang gusto kong singer ay si Novo Bono kaya masasabi n'yo rin na... Pro-Bono ako.

May mga witnesses din na laban sa ng panginoon Nobunaga.

Man in witness: Nakasabay ko sa jeepney 'yang anak ni panginoon Nobunaga at bumaba s'ya sa isang restaurant sa Kyoto... Alam n'yo namang ang mga restoran do'n e puro Ilokano ang proprietors kaya ang standard fare d'yan e Kaldereta, Kilawin, Papaitan...

Ang depensa.

Mitsunari: The witness is contradicting himself. Ha! Ha! Ha! How can there be Ilokanos in Inabayama Castle? Ha! Ha! Ha! That will not stand in court. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Samantala, nagsalita si panginoon Girardot Argezas ng Grandall Empire sa kongreso.

Girardot: We are pushing this bill to change Inabayama Castle into Hatakeyama Castle... watcha think huh?

Kawal ni Girardot: D'yan kayo magaleng!

---TO BE CONTINUED WITH PART 3---

Keep on reading and don't flame!


	3. Part 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Samurai Warriors by Koei and Pugad Baboy by Pol Medina Jr.

**WARNING:** This fanfic I created is for mature audiences only (including languages)

--Alamang Boy (Samurai Warriors Version)--

* * *

-CONTINUE IN PART 2-

At may lumabas pang ibang witnesses...

Okuni as the TV Reporter: According to two of lord Nobunaga's former house servants, they saw lord Nobunaga's son eating Papaitan the night lord Nagamasa Azai's goat was reported missing...

-Hideyoshi's House: Living Room-

Inside Hideyoshi's house are Nene, his wife and his retainers. They just watched TV the same as the Edo Castle counterpart now it has a widescreen compability.

Okuni as the TV Reporter: They also testified that on that same night, they saw what appeared to be Goat's hair, horns and hooves strewn on the kitchen floor but these were reportedly burned by lord Nobunaga's palanquin driver. The same driver is said to have a fetish for goat's ears.

Ang depensa...

Mitsunari: Bakit n'yo naman paniniwalaan ang dalawang 'yan e mga tsimay lang 'yan? **HA! HA! HA!** Mas sosyal ang mga witness namin. Ha! Ha! Ha! O, sino'ng paniniwalaan n'yo ngayon? 'yung kumakain ng sardinas o 'yung kumakain ng caviar? **HA! HA! HA!**

Meanwhile, in-interview ang anak ni panginoon Nobunaga...

Mitshide as Reporter: How do you feel about being implicated in this goat rustling issue?

Nobunaga's son (marked censored on face): Like wow... bummer... It's like... I'm like really pissed man! Like... I mean like, I **MIGHT** eat **LAMB** y'know... But **GOAT**?? Gross, man! Like... It's not like us rich folks to... y'know eat goat, man... Like... y'know... Like... I mean hell, I can't speak tagalog, man! And you're **ACCUSING ME** of eating poor men's meat? Woww... I mean come **ON**, man...

Hideyoshi and his retainers exclusing Nene: **HOLY SUPER GASP!!!!**

Nene: Sinong gusto mo ng Beef Ramen?

Ranmaru as Reporter: Why do you think people call you "**Hurricane Dantes**"?

Nobunaga's son (marked censored on face): I... have nooooo idea, man. Like, I never told anybody we own houses and condos and fancy palanquins and stuff, man. Like... Y'know... I don't even brag about my good looks. I mean they can like, call me anything they want. But don't go telling people that i eat goat man! That's like **CRAZY**! y'know. That's... **SURREAL!** It's like saying lord **TOSHIIE MAEDA** eats **GALUNGGONG!** Man... or... or... lord **MOTOCHIKA CHOSOKABE** eats **DILIS!** Y'know what I'm saying? It's not right to say that man!! It's **OBSCENE!!!**

Ranmaru as Reporter: Thank you. You just answered my question.

Meanwhile in Hideyoshi's house...

TV: We'll pause for a few reminders. D'yan lang kayo. We will be right back... promise.

Hideyoshi: Sinisisi ni panginoon Nobunaga ang media trial by publicity daw ang nangyayari sa kaso nila.

Nene: Bakit, ang media ba ang gumagawa ng istorya? Nire-report lang naman nila ang mga nangyayari a.

Hideyoshi: Ngayon, kung gusto nilang laging pabor sa kanila ang isusulat sa dyaryo e lumipat na lang sila sa Singapore.

Hori Hidemasa: Tapos ipa-report nila sa Straits Times para Biased News, Truthless Views... iba pa.

-Odani Castle-

Kazumasa: Panginoon Nagamasa, nababahala ako. Hindi innocent 'yung anak ni...

Nagamasa: Kahit innocent ang anak ni panginoon Nobunaga ay marami pa rin s'yang kalokohan na hindi n'ya napagbabayaran. Kaya kung maparusahan man siya ay resulta na rin 'yon ng masamang karma.

-Nag walkout si Nagamasa-

Kazumasa (dreaming): Napagbayaran ko na kaya 'yung pambo-boso ko noong dose anyos pa lang ako?

Umabot sa korte ang kasong Goat-Rustling laban sa anak ni panginoon Nobunaga Oda. Maraming araw ang lumipas sa pagdinig ng kaso. Himdi na natin idi-detalya ang paglilitis dahil alam niyo naman ang mga court hearings dito sa modern-feudal Japan. Kahit ano'ng sensational ng kaso ay boring pa rin ang procedings.

Ina as Lawyer (dreaming): Objection your honor.

Hanzo Hattori as Judge (dreaming): Sustained.

Hay naku, nagiging exciting na lang 'pag iha-hand down na ng judge ang verdict.

Ranmaru as Reporter: Panginoon Nobunaga, ano'ng masasabi n'yo ngayong ilalabas na ang verdict?

Nobunaga: Well, depende... Kung maa-acquit ang anak ko e bibilib ako sa judicial system natin. Pero, 'pag guilty ang anak ko e, **PU&$&$&$& N'YONG LAHAAAT!!!!!!**

Ang desisyon...

Hanzo Hattori as Judge: Ang batang ito ay may dalawang katauhan. Parang Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde Ang nagti-trigger ng kanyang bad side ay ang pagkalulong n'ya sa masamang bisyo. Maganda ang reputasyon n'ya sa Tokugawa Forbes Park pero naging notorious s'ya dito sa buong modern-feudal Japan bilang magnanakaw ng mangga, manok, aratiles, kambing, pato makopa, buko at iba pa kagaya ng isang kendama. Kaya bilang parusa ay pumila kayong kahat... Single file... At tatakpan ko ang kanyang mata. **KUTOS MGA MISIIIIIS!!!!**

-Odani Castle: Outside-

Nagamasa: **JUSTICE PREVAILED!** Nabigyan din ng hustisya ang pagkakanakaw sa kambing... ko...

-Nagamasa and Ieyasu sees the smiling goat-

Nagamasa and Ieyasu: Oooooooo syiiiit...

---TO BE CONTINUED WITH EPILOGUE---

Keep on reading and don't flame!


	4. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Warriors by Koei and Pugad Baboy by Pol Medina Jr.

WARNING: This fanfic I created is for mature audiences only (including languages)

--Alamang Boy (Samurai Warriors Version)--

* * *

-EPILOGUE-

Ieyasu: Paano 'yan, Nagamasa? Pinarusahan natin ang anak ni panginoon Nobunaga gayong inosente naman 'yung bata...

Nagamasa: Shhh...

Ieyasu: Pero panginoon Nagamasa, tig-iisang kutos ang iginawad natin.

Nagamasa: Ano'ng problema mo do'n? Hindi nga s'ya guilty sa pagnakaw sa kambing ko. Pero napatunayan naman na nagnanakaw talaga s'ya ng kambing.

Ieyasu: E pa'no kung malaman nilang buhay pa 'yang kambing mo?

-Nagamasa gets the goat using his hand and clutches like a hook-

Nagamasa: Basta't uminom ka lang d'yan at maya-maya e meron na tayong masarap na pulutan.

-Minutes later, Nagamasa and Ieyasu eats the goat-

Ieyasu: Hindi ka ba nako-konsensya Nagamasa? Naparusahan 'yung anak ni panginoon Nobunaga gayong hindi pala s'ya ang nagnakaw sa kambing mo. Hindi ka ba mag-aapologize?

Nagamasa: APOLOGIZE?? HA! Malalaman pa ba nilang kambing ko nga 'yung ninakaw n'ung anak n'ya?? E eto nga't nilalantakan na natin 'yung ebidensya.

Ieyasu: E kung ipa-autopsy nila itong remains ng kambing sa NBI?

Nagamasa: Teka... Bakit ba panay ang reklamo mo e kain ka naman ng kain?

Ieyasu: Sarap eh.

Nagamasa: Dapat lang talagang makulong si Yoshikage, si Kagetake at ang buong Asakura Army, at pati na 'yang si Hanzo Hattori!!

Ieyasu: Ba't ba parang gigil ka sa kanina? Ano ba'ng atraso nila sa'yo?

Nagamasa: Hmp! Mayayaman kasi sila e... Inggit ako.

Ieyasu: Tsk tsk tsk!

-THE END-

Keep on reading and don't flame!


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